It's been 1 year which means the new class of analysts are starting soon. I would like to share with these brand new naive innocent Wall Streeters a thing or two that I've learned the past 12 months.
First, who is an investment banker?
1. Crackberry. You'll grow to love them. I mean, when something is attached to your body 24/7, you can't help but to feel something sooner or later. Its a friend when you're lonely and is way cooler than a boring cell phone. I like to play Brickbreaker and Texas Hold'em and I recently downloaded Bust-a-move.
2. All-niters. I am fortunate enough to live across the street from work. I can go home, shower and take a 30 minute nap without any ever noticing at 5 in the morning. However, some of my fellow analysts here live a bit further such as in the Upper East side and Jersey. Unfortunately for them, leaving the office at 6 in the morning does them no good. By the time they get to their home, shower and get whatever little sleep they can, it'll be time to come all the way to work again. sad, very sad...
3. Thomas Pink shirt, Hermes tie and Ferragamo shoes. The body armor. It doesn't matter even if you suck at your job, you gotta dress the part. This is it.
4. Bonu$. Banking really boils down to the bonu$. It sucks it happens only once a year. The other 364 days of banking sucks. You think Christmas is in December? Sorry, its actually July.
Onto what to expect your first year.
1. Money. You will be make and drop lots of money. Cash in, cash out. But for those 2 seconds you actually have it, its so glorious.
2. Fat. The combination of free meals, sitting for hours and hours, no sleep and no exercise will turn you into Fat Albert.
3. Failure. Every analyst reaches a point during their first year when they give serious consideration to quitting. Most work through it and decide to trudge along until bonu$ time.
4. No vacation. Period.
5. Black cars. THE BEST and only PERK OF BANKING. Hollaa
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